How did I get here?

Let me start out by saying I never expected to be living in a nursing home at the age of 55. Actually I never expected to be living in a nursing home period. Few people do I suspect. Ten years ago a tumor was found inside my spinal cord. They removed it and I learned to walk again. Easy Peasy... OK, not Easy Peasy, but I went from wheelchair to walker to cane to walking. I did it and while not fully functional, I got around. Two years ago I quit a job in Pennsylvania because I was miserable. I've worked in TV for 30 years and have always been able to find work so I didn't worry. Then the recession/depression happened and no one was hiring. In order to save money I let my Cobra health care go, then discovered no one else would insure me with my disability. To make matters worse, the money was running out, my 401K was a quarter of its former bulk and then in April of '09 I started losing feeling again in my right leg. Did I tell my family or go see a doctor? No, I'm stupid and decided to see if it will get better by itself. Big mistake. Then I fell in September and to quote a bad commercial "could not get up". So I laid there on my apartment floor for a week until my brother and sisters became frantic and called my landlady. She broke in, then there were ambulances, hospitals, MRIs, CAT scans, etc. Finally they did a test called a mylogram, a lovely procedure where they inject dye in your spinal cord and hang you upside down, and discovered that my spinal cord had not healed correctly after the original surgery. According to the neurosurgeon, I have a "tethered spinal cord" and my next fall could tear my spinal cord out. My family (who all live in North Carolina) freaked and I now find myself in a Pennsylvania nursing home learning to walk again and waiting for disability to kick in so I can move to a rehab facility in NC. Since I have to be here anyway I thought I would give people a preview of what could be your future in a nursing home.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Are You My Henry? A Love Story

It starts every day at 7am... the little cheep from the room on my left ... "Help Me." "Help Me" Pause for breath. "Help Me." "Help Me." "Help Me." Pause for breath. Repeat. It's not a cry... nor is it a scream... there is no panic or pain. It's just a statement, repeated over and over. And many people do try to help. Nurses, aides, even people visiting other residents are drawn to the chirps and stop by to ask what she needs. They are most often greeted with a startled silent glare... although sometimes she does blurt out "Get me out of here." before returning to the familiar "Help Me" cadence. Then her call blurs into the soundtrack of the beeps and burps of the hallway... only to become a solo now and again at the rare brief lulls.
Her name is Anne and around 2pm she ventures into the hallway, still sounding for all the world like a small bird. "Help me" Help Me." etc. Then around 3pm it happens... she starts saying "Henry." Henry" Pause for breath. "Henry." "Henry. "Henry." Pause for breath. Repeat. The first time it happened I thought I was hearing things. Had she been saying Henry all day? Was she really saying Help Me now? But the nurses and aides start saying 'Yes. Henry's coming." as they passed by her wheelchair, keeping its sentry in the hallway. I often heard them mutter under their breath "Thank god" and "He can't get here soon enough." as they retreat, so I am not the only one who noticed the change in dialogue. Then at 4 o'clock on the dot, a bent figure comes shuffling down the passageway. He stops in front of her wheelchair and stands there until she slowly looks up. "Are you my Henry?" she asks. He nods, leans down for a brief kiss and then rolls her into her room. There they sit, sometimes holding hands as they watch TV. He helps feed her dinner and assists as the aides dress her for bed. Around 8, he leaves... only to return at 4 the next day, regular as clockwork.
How long where they married? I wondered. "They are not married", I am told by the other residents, (The staff being gagged by HIPAA laws). Why does he only come at 4? He's in his 90s... he couldn't (or shouldn't) be driving. How did they meet? How long has this been going on? No one can tell me. It's just a sweet snippet of romance in the midst of all this senility and sickness. It is clear that she lives only for him. I worry what will happen on the day that he does not come shuffling down the hallway at 4 o'clock. How long will she keep her hallway vigil waiting for him?
I hope I am somewhere else when that sad day occurs.

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